What Can I Do To Help My Memory?

I suggest you become a defecating cruciverbalist.

verb: to void excrement from the bowels through the anus; have a bowel movement.

noun: a person skillful in creating or solving crossword puzzles

Pooping + Puzzles = Improved Memory

I’m all about multi-tasking, and there’s seriously little else to focus on when you’re on the throne besides well…being on the throne.

There are some days it’s a quick trip in and out, but there are other days when nature apparently is preoccupied with someone else’s more pressing problems, so there’s a lot of sitting around doing nothing. To me, that’s wasting precious time. Doing crossword puzzles gives me something to do while I’m in the bathroom.

Exceptions to the Rule

Now, there are times when working puzzles while you’re in the potty isn’t a good idea. For instance, when you’re backed up to your eyeballs, haven’t gone in days, and you’ve just felt a glimmer of a possible breakthrough. In that case, you’re going to need complete focus on the business at hand. The better choice here would be to put the book down and do a little meditating. Ommm…

On the other hand, if you’re plagued with the squirts, there’s going to be a lot of flushing, sweating and possible bending in half with stomach cramps. With your hands full juggling various cleaning tools, this is not the ideal situation to try to keep track of a small crossword puzzle book. The potential anxiety this could cause you would hardly be worth the trouble. Don’t even bother opening your book on this trip in.

Crossword puzzle books in bathroom basket

What I’m talking about here is your every day, run of the mill, normal bathroom routine.

I keep my book with pen attached in a little magazine rack along with my bathroom spray next to the toilet.

You know how “they” suggest that it’s healthy to spend at least 15 minutes with and on ourselves every day? Make this your 15.

Okay, hurry and make a quick run to Wal-Mart (I’ll wait). Pick up a crossword puzzle book. I suggest “Easy Crosswords by Dell. You can grab one in the magazine section for under a buck.

I like to buy books that are fairly easy. If I get the more challenging ones, I get frustrated.

The point is not to compare yourself to those obviously gifted individuals who are able to complete the harder puzzles, but to challenge yourself to whatever level you need to get your brain activated and allow you to flex those problem solving muscles.

Crossword Puzzle Books

Setting The Mood

You should be set. Okay, refill your coffee, leave your phone in the other room, head to the “library”, lock the door, and get settled in.

Take a sip of your coffee. Listen to the quiet. Breathe in the clean smell of the bathroom (currently). Ahhhh. Are you feeling your zen?

Okay, now grab your book, hunker down and get after it!

Wait. Is There Proof That Crossword Puzzles Improve Memory?

Glad you asked. There seems to be mixed feelings from the scientific and medical community as to whether doing crossword puzzles actually improves the memory. So that means half think they do, and half think they don’t, right?

Let’s be the ‘cup is half full’ people shall we? I mean if you can’t remember shit right now anyway, it’s not going to make things worse if you do the puzzles and they don’t help.

But let’s say they do help. Spending fifteen minutes a day doing something pleasurable and somewhat challenging that will help you remember your daughter’s name the next time she calls? Phhfff. I’m in! No-brainer.

Will Crossword Puzzles Keep Me From Getting Alzheimer’s?

The thought of developing Alzheimers Disease is scarey, especially if it’s in your family history.

Alzheimer’s is characterized by the presense of “plaques” seen in the brain. The main component in these plaques is a toxic protein called Beta-amyloid that builds up in the brains of those with Alzheimer’s.

Researchers at the University of California, Berkley conducted a study using brain scans to measure changes in the brains of test subjects.

The researchers found that those who were more often engaged in mentally stimulating activities, the less buildup of beta-amyloid they were likely to have in the brain.

Research concluded that reading, writing, doing crossword puzzles and solving challenging puzzles may be linked to a lower risk of Alzheimer’s disease.


Are There Other Benefits of Doing Crossword Puzzles?

But of course there are. Here are some positive things crossword puzzles can do for you. They…

Improve Your Verbal Skills – I think as we age, we tend to forget there are alternatives to words we use daily. They’ve taught me to change things up now and then when I speak. Instead of telling someone my typical “I’ll make this quick”, instead I’ll tell them “I’ll be succinct”. It impresses the hell out of people when you whip shit like that out.

Teach You Problem Solving – They make you think. Plain and simple. Don’t tell me they don’t improve your memory. I’m exercising the hell out of my memory muscles when I try to think of another word for “goad”, or the first name of “singer Horne”. And you can bet I’ll remember them three puzzles from now when I run across the same questions.

Reduce Stress – They take you out of your head for a short while and make you put your focus on something other than what’s consuming you at the present time. There’s something comforting about filling in those little squares.

Make You Smarter – You learn geography, politics, remember old phrases, learn new slang, bible verses, synonyms, grammar, history, current trends, movies, authors, etc. You become a source of information that makes you a rock star when playing games like Catch Phrase, Password, etc.

Give You a Sense of Accomplishment – When you’ve been stuck on a word for three days and it finally comes to you? Yessss! Puzzle solved. It’s a huge feeling of accomplishment, especially if you had held off peeking at the anwers in the back.

They’re Portable – You can take them anywhere. They fit in your purse, your beach bag, your office drawer. Leave one in your car. They’re a great alternative to mindlessly scrolling through your phone when you find yourself in a waiting situation or need some time to wind down.

In Conclusion…

I believe I’ve made my case that pooping will definitely improve your memory. I’d also like to mention that this proves a common expression untrue…

As you’re sitting on the commode with a brand new Crossword Puzzle book nestled on your lap, rest assured that you will never “Shit Your Brains Out”. Nope. Never gonna happen.

Not only will your brain stay firmly in place while you’re happily solving puzzles during your daily constitutional, but you’ll be providing it the fuel to potentially become stronger and sharper.

If you don’t do crossword puzzles, what other mind stimulating activities do you do that are helping you protect your brain? Share them below.

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